Notes on Fatherhood...

So, at first, I thought it was normal.

I thought all new dads went through something similar to what I'm seeing, and that it was no big deal. In fact, I thought it was kind of funny--you know, a little low-grade psychosis to go with that new infant smell.

Now, I'm not so sure.

You see, as my mother would tell you, I've always had somewhat of an active imagination. As a kid, I could entertain myself for hours with or without any toys. It probably has something to do with the volume of books that I've devoured in my lifetime, but I'm sure that there is more to it than just that.

I've always been a fairly active daydreamer. It was pretty cool, because I could do it and still pay attention to whatever I was supposed to be paying attention to. In church, I used to sit in the pew imagining terrorists or unspecificed badguys (this was pre-9/11 afterall) trying to take over the church and myself leaping to the rescue. (During my Indiana Jones stage...which was pretty much the whole of my childhood and adolescence, there was always a mysteriously available bull whip conveniently located under the pew in front of me.) At school it was only different because of the plethora of availabe damsels to rescue. (There were too many old people at church, but I'd rescue them anyway--'cuz I'm cool like that.)

So, all of those daydreams were kind of cool. I'd get to look like the hero, and it would lend an air of excitment and possibility to places that weren't....that exciting. (Incidentally, when I worked at the library in college, I was always rescuing the special reserve books from bullets; how lame of a daydream is that?!)

Now, though? Well, I'm not quite ready to discuss how things have changed just yet; I'm working on how best to express it. However, in the next few days, sooner, rather than later, I hope, I'm going to let you in on how fatherhood has changed--in a pretty dramatic way for me--these frequent mental occupations.

But, more on that later...