The (Un)Official List....uh, continued.

So, yesterday we discussed movies and tv shows. Today, we're switching to songs, artists, and records.

SONGS:

A little song called Silver Sword, by a little band named Huckleberry. Unfortunately, you all are at a loss here. The band broke up when I was in college, and it was relatively unknown college band, but a friend of mine's older brother was in the band, and the lead female singer went on to join the Christian band Waterdeep. However, should you ever stumble on someone who has the song Silver Sword, you should definitely check it out.


You Can't Always Get What You Want--the Rolling Stones. I learned this lesson once while driving with a girl that I really liked, who didn't really like me. She was telling me all about her new boyfriend (who she is now married to, by the way) and this left me feeling pretty damn bad about myself. (Oh, woe is me, etc.) Then, I noticed a little ditty playing on my car radio, and I kind of tuned her out, and listened to the lyrics. I realized, in a fairly profound way, that it was very true...while I may have "wanted" her at that time, it really wasn't what I needed. (And, as both she and I are wonderfully happily married to VERY different people, we both got EXACTLY what we needed....thank God.)

I'm Alright--Jeffrey Foucault. I've mentioned this guy numerous times here, but it bears repeating. This just happens to be my favorite song by him.

Feelin' Good Again--Robert Earl Keene. Yes, it's country. Yes, it's a country slowish song. And, yes, it just so happens to sum up every single emotion you can possible feel when going "back" to a place you love to visit.

Ok, in all honesty, this is an EXTREMELY introductory list, and is in NO way exhaustive. (Clearly, as I've only put four songs down.) So, we'll return to this list later.

ARTISTS

Jeffrey Foucault--again, I ask. Why haven't you gotten his CD's yet? SERIOUSLY!

Frank Sinatra--if you didn't like him while he was alive, check his stuff out now. I particularly like his fast stuff, but his slow songs were great, too.

The Racounteurs--Jack White's "other" band.

Colin Hays--he was originally one of the "men at work" from the 80's, and he's made some great stuff recently.

And, finally (for now!), The Who. I was, embarrassingly enough, turned on to the Who when there was a Simpson's episode about the Who coming to Springfield. When I was in college. LATE in college. Maybe even grad school. (D'oh!) I ran out after the episode and bought the Who's greatest hits album, and Whoa! It's freakin' Great!

Which leads me to....
ALBUMS/RECORDS/CD's

The Garden State Soundtrack--if you don't have it by now you should be ashamed of yourself and your entire music collection. Period.

Scrubs Sountrack--oddly enough, most of the music in this show was compiled by Zach Braff, just like on The Garden State Sountrack. So, guy's got taste.

Jimi Hendrix: The Jimi Hendrix Experience--great, just great.

The Beatles "Love" Album--this record was put to gether by Cirque de Solei (don't everyone write me to complain about my spelling of that freakishly weird Circus group's name) for one of their shows. All of the songs are just tweaked a LITTLE bit, and man does it make a difference.

Ok, I actually have to go run to get ready for work, but now its your turn again....

What did I miss, where did I TOTALLY screw up?

Thanks for stopping by...

Tommy

The (Un)Official Tommy Must List...

After receiving no requests whatsoever, other than that of my own inner narcisist, I thought I would write down for you all, my semi-capitive audience (no, please! Don't navigate away from this page!!!) my very own "Must List". (Author reserves the right to modify, amend, delete, and edit without prior notice.)

So, without further adieu....
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MOVIES:

Joe vs. the Volcano--This is an extremely underated little film, which just so happens to be the first time that America's sweethearts were paired together. (Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.) Yes, it does happen to contain a lot of silly humor, (although not bathroom humor) and yes, it does happen to be "about" a guy who decides to jump into a volcano. But, that's not REALLY what the movies about. It's about the path that we all must choose when we make our way through life. And, it's about how accepting we are of the path that we see in front of us. It's about making conscious choices about our lives.

And it's got a ukulele!

The Last Time I Committed Suicide--This is a strange pick for me. It's a movie based on the letters from Neal Cassidy to Jack Kerouac, both of whom were "beat poets". You see, I personally think that Jack Kerouac was one of the most overrated authors of all time, and his "masterpiece" On the Road was a horribly overrated book. While it did capture the frenzy of Jack's lifestyle, it was not, for me, this moving and poignant story of dreams and desires, pain, and heartache. It was about a bunch of guys who drive around with only one thing on their minds: Drugs.
And, I have nothing against drug use IN BOOKS, but it has to be important to the story, and the story has to be worthwhile. This one? In my opinion, not so much.
However, TLTICS, is not about all of that. It is about how the choices we make effect all future choices in a very profound way, and that when you make a life altering choice, it can, basically, "kill" the self you wanted to become, and force you to become someone different. Hence, the line, "It wasn't the last time I committed suicide."
Plus, it has the great quote "And so life goes. And so love goes. And so I go. Carry on my brother. Carry on." which was used by some of my friends as the closing to all of our e-mails back when I was in college.


The Journey of Natty Gann--Great little Disney movie about the Depression. John Cusack (you can't go wrong) and Meridith Salinger (whatever happened to her?!) and a wolf. There you go.

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TV SHOWS


Sporst Night--Without a doubt, the finest half-hour television show that has ever been produced, and in my opinion, the finest that WILL ever be produced. Funny, smart, emotionally intelligent, this half hour show that survived for all of two-Emmy-Winning-Seasons was written by Aaron Sorkin, and covered much more than the inner-workings of a Sports Center-esque television show. This show brought up many issues that we face in life, and I STILL get choked up watching about 6 of the 40-some episodes. (E.g.: The Apology, The Six Southern Gentlemen, The Christmas Episode, Isaac's Comeback episode, just to name a few.) The show also brought about the most satisfying conclusion of any show I've ever seen, when it found that it was going to be cancelled during the second season. I still get goosebumps.

Plus, it's one of the most quotable tv shows ever.

"Oh, and if you're driving to the stadium this weekend for the big game, please...don't forget to take your car."

My Boys--I've already mentioned this in this blog, but seriously....if TBS doesn't put this show on DVD, then I'm going to...uh, write them a strongly worded letter suggesting that they do so. Quickly.

And, of course: Lost, Scrubs, The Office, Heroes, How I Met Your Mother, and probably a BUNCH more, but as the title says...this is the (un)official list.

Now, I didn't realize that this was going to be so extensive....so, more to follow, including Books, CDs, magazines, records, and more.

But for now....what movies and shows have I aggregiously forgotten to place on my list....?

Now, it's your turn!

Leave me your musts....

(And, thanks for stopping by....)

Tommy

Just another manic Mond....uh, Tuesday. (Or, Question: Does baby puke sting?)

So, the weekend was great. Went back to Iowa, saw the folks, and had some time with good friends back in good ol CR of I.

School was good today, although the first tuesday of every month is going to suck donkey...um, snot....as I start the morning with a 7:30 (AM!!) meeting, have a full day of school, a faculty meeting til 5, and a PTA board meeting, which I am required to attend, at 6:15. Now, you don't really know how much you love holding your daughter and seeing your wife's beautiful face until those days when you don't actually get to do either one of those.

Ughs.

Tonight, after my 6:15 meeting, I was changing Grace's grotesquely large poo-y diaper, and was loving it, as she looked up at me with that gorgeous toothless grin on her face. I finished snapping the onesie, and picked her up. I held her up to my face, giggled with her, and gave her eskimo kisses (rubbed noses) and then lifted her slightly higher to kiss her tummy.

That's when she puked in my eye.

And, if you were wondering, yes. Yes it does.

I cried out in surprise, Grace started crying, as I startled her, and Bibi laughed.

Good times....good times.

Thanks for stopping....have a freakin' great week ya'll. (Mom, that "ya'll" was just for you.)

Tommy

Bi-monthly update...

just under the wire, too, eh?

Well, school has started. And, when I get a hang of things, I'll let you all know how things are going. (Should be in just a few months. June at the very latest.)

Grace is WONDERFUL. She's so cute. I'm not going to lie. When I got home today....I started to cry...I missed her so much while I was at work. She's so sweet.

Anywho, just wanted to drop you all a line to let you know that I am indeed still alive and well.

And, for those of you who don't know about it, there's a show called "My Boys" on TBS. On the show tonight, there was a "douchebag intervention" to get one of the guys to stop being such a major league, free range, grade A douche. It was awesome.

Any thoughts from those of you out there? (I'm thinking that would be mom, sarah, maybe amy, and my in-laws at most. Anyone else still checking this sorry excuse for a blog?)

(c;

God bless ya....and, thanks for stopping by...

Tommy

Einstein's Theory of Relativity Explained....

Tonight it occurred to me that I have learned something recently.

When a baby is crying...and, I mean REALLY crying, cheeks all red, eye's squinched up, tears streaming down the cheeks, and that long, long cry that takes up all the little one's air, so that the cry is actually a quiet one, which makes it all the worse...that kind of crying....well, five minutes of that stuff can seem like an absolute LIFETIME of impotence and helplessness.

And the 5 and a half hours between when she finally falls asleep and you wake up to change her in the wee hours of the morning? Yeah, that seems like about 8 seconds.

See? Einstein's Theory of Relativity explained. Not too tough, if I do say so myself. (c;

Thanks for stopping by...

Tommy

The dog days of summer....

If any of you have not read the first page of Tuck Everlasting, you really should; reason being is that the first page has this unbelievably descriptive depiction of the oppresive and stifling heat that usually arrives around this time of year. So....there ya go. Thought it was appropriate. Oh, and if you can't handle the heat (hardy har har) you should read Brian's Winter, by Gary Paulsen, as it it the same thing, 'cept about cold.

So, last time I posted was a while ago. I had just passed a kidney stone, and was leaving for family vacation the next day.

I have had not more kidney related issues, thank goodness, and so no more needs to be said about that. And, I'll thank you to mind your own business. (c;

Vacation was a lot of fun. Bibi, Grace and I drove south to Table Rock Lake, where we were meeting my mom, step-dad, my sister and her boyfriend, and my other sister and her girlfriend.

The drive down was mostly uneventful. Gracie was wonderful in the car, and did not cry excpet for the last half hour, (we got lost, otherwise, it would have been even less eventful.) I have to say, southern Missouri is definitely a beautiful area. The bluffs and hills, or...ahem, 'mountains', were all absolutely gorgeous. It was a wonderful drive.

We were staying at a really nice resort, and were pretty much able to enjoy ourselves the whole time and do whatever we wanted to. (You know, how vacactions SHOULD be.) I read, relaxed, and even played some putt-putt.

Good times, good times.

We came back last Thursday, and got lost again. Different part of the trip, but for about the same length of time. I'm a very good driver....yeah. Charlie Babbit.

Fast forward through to Monday, the 6th. Bibi dropped me off at work, and I got the opportunity to meet some of my new co-workers, and work on my classroom a little bit. Registration was Tuesday, so our principal had asked if any of the staff wanted to come in and help spruce things up a bit. It was fun. Didn't meet everyone, but enough so that I don't feel like a complete newbie anymore.

My classroom is AWESOME. It's HUGE. I have: two teacher's desks, a couch, two comfortable and relaxing reading chairs, a table for conferencing, extra desks arranged for partner reading, a sink and drinking fountain, desks and room for 30 students (although I only have 25) and, as was previously mentioned, two windows. Legen....(wait for it)...dary.

Tuesday we had our first day of New Teacher Orientation. It was during this day that we covered all of the necessary legal stuff: professional expectations, sexual harrassment, confidentiality, substitute teacher requests, sick days, personal days, etc. We also went on a "Raytown Scavenger Hunt to acclimate ourselves to the community. Met some new people during that, which was cool. (I have such a hard time meeting people....heh heh heh.)

Today we had day TWO of our four-day New Teacher Orientation. We spent the entire day getting prepped for the districts Communication Arts curriculum. (How the district expects you to teach reading, writing, etc.) We were able to plan the first month of one subject, and the first week to second week of another subject. We're going to be given already prepared lesson suggestions and helpful tips as well. Tomorrow we work on Math curriculum.

I will say this....the Raytown Quality School District has impressed me a great deal in my short time working here. They are thorough, and the provide a seemingly endless supply of supports to their teachers in order for the teachers to provide a seemingly endless supply of supports to their students. (You know, like they should!)

All right, kiddo's; I'm tired, and my bed is singing the siren song of comfort....

thanks for stopping by....

Tommy

Warning: NOT for those easily squeamish....

Two funny stories.

One: Around father's day I started having severe back pains that were reminiscent of what I've heard it's like when you have a kidney stone. I watched it for a little bit, drank water like it was wine, and watched my body carefully.

About a week ago, I started having painful urination, little to no urine and a CONSTANT urge to urinate. It was really uncomfortable, and VERY frustrating. Tonight, while brushing my teeth, I realized I was about to pop. I quickly put the toilet seat up and WHAM! The sharpest pain I've ever felt (in that location) was followed by the joyful and wonderous release of a VAST amount of backed up pee that was being blocked by a kidney stone the size of an elongated mung bean.

I feel much better now. Whew. (c;

Oh, the second story?

Tonight, while Bibi was nursing Grace, Bibi chuckled to herself and started speaking like the Crocodile Hunter. "Ah, there she is....she's a beauty! She's the Nipple Hunter! Argh!"

I dropped what I was doing and stared, jaw slackened, at my wife. Grace does this thing where she will open her mouth, take aim, and then shake her head vigorously from side to side like she's not sure where her prey is going. So, now...my daughter is known as, "The Nipple Hunter"

Heh heh heh...fatherhood. (c;

Thanks for stopping by...

Just a PSA: I'm going on vacation until Wednesday or Thursday, so I'll be away from the computer. Drop a note to let me know how ya'll are doing!!!

Tommy

Daddy moments...

Today Bibi was giving Grace a bath. I was in the bathroom, handing things to Bibi (soap, towel, etc.) trying not to get in the way, and I had a moment where I just stared at Grace...she was lying there in the tub, being held by Bibi and she just had this look on her face of sheer and utter contentment. She was making some silly faces, too, and kicking her legs everyonce in awhile, but mainly she was motionless just glancing between Bibi and I.

I couldn't help it...I teared up. She is the most precious and beautiful thing I've ever seen. Oh, man. It was awesome.

I stopped by my new classroom yesterday. It's huge (at least, it looked huge to me) and it has tile floors and....wait for it....windows!!! Two things: I've always been saddened by my last school's lack of windows in the classrooms. I thought it was a shame that the kids didn't have that chance to stare out the window and enjoy seeing the sky, the weather, the animals, etc. I remember very fondly every once in a while looking out the window at Arthur Elementary in good old SeeTheRabbits.

Oh, and I love classrooms with tile floors. Can't stand carpet in a classroom. Muffles the sound, and I have a hard enough time with out that to struggle against. So. There ya go.

Anyway, that's all I got right now....

God bless, and thanks for stopping by...

Tommy

Alas, dear Potter....

This too, shall pass.

Today, we mourn a great friend and loved one.

No, this is not a spoiler, I'm not sayin' Harry Potter died, and I"m not sayin' he didn't die. I'm sayin' the series is over, and that is sad for us.

The seventh book was amazing. If you didn't think so, well, you're probably illiterate, and you didn't know it. It was an immensly enjoyable read, and Bibi and I couldn't stop reading until the very last page. And then, all was well.

Thanks for stopping by, and feel free to leave your (SPOILER FREE!!!) comments about the HP series in the comments section.

Tommy

Harry Potter and the Magic of Reading

So...gotta question for ya'll.

Bibi and I are reading Harry Potter to Grace, (more to each other, but it's fun to read to a six week old, too) and we're anxiously waiting our chance to go to the fifth movie, and to receive the seventh book in the mail, which Bibi got me for my birthday.

So....here's the question....

any of my faithful readers belong to the hoardes who believe that Harry Potter is evil?

Can we have a nice respectful debate about the merits or liabilities of the enjoyment of this unbelievably popular series of books?

Let's begin the discussion, shall we?

Tommy

So there's this guy who has a blog...

that he only updates once in a blue moon. Sorry 'bout that. (c;

Anyway...what's up ya'll?

Is there anybody out there? (A little nod to Burlap to Cashmere)

So, what's going on with me? Well...

in the last two weeks Bibi and I have been enjoying our little bit o' Grace. She's growing up so quickly. She goes to college in just a few short months....oh, wait....no that can't be right.

She is now 5 and a half weeks old. She is as cute as ever....well, here--I'll show you...



Isn't she cute as a button?!

Anyway...this was taken back at Father's Day by my sister Amy. (Hi Amy!)

Other than staring adoringly at Grace and trading her back and forth and cleaning an OBSCENE number of diapers on a semi-regular basis, it's been pretty quiet at the Estlund homestead.

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago (as I mentioned in the last post) and I've been enjoying the post-birthday celebration. I bought myself a couple of books (Fireshouse by David Halberstam, and another copy of Blue Highways {the best book ever} by William Least Heat Moon because I've reconciled myself to the fact that...(ahem) a certain someone is most likely NOT going to give it back to me. John, I'm looking at you buddy. Hey! Don't you look away from me!

Ahem, sorry about that.

Oh, and as a kind of special treat--as is fitting for a birthday present--I got myself a mini-fridge.

Let me explain.

My gorgeous and lovely wife is a vegetarian. She was raised vegetarian and, as I found out during our dating/engagement, to her, meat is not just something she doesn't eat....it's an absolutely repulsive and disgusting thing that she absolutely doesn't want in her fridge. And, as I got to know--and love--her, I realized that this was something that I could do out of love and respect to her. (She also realized that she can love--and respect--me, even if I don't stop eating meat.

So, we now happily have a mini-fridge in our kitchen for all of my favorite meat based foods.

It's a beautiful thing, compromise, isn't it?

Oh, and we've been reading Harry Potter to Grace. We're on book four, trying frantically, and I'm willing to guess, hopelessly, to get through the rest of four, five and six before big number seven comes out. So, if you do read number 7, please for the love Hermione, Ron and Neville, please do not give away the ending, ok?

All right fair enough.

Ok....so, back in the days leading up to Grace's arrival in our lives, I had the hope that this blog was going to have some kind of miraculous metamorphosis into a "daddy-blog" that everyone could come see, in order to read all about the insight and deeply profound lessons that I'm learning as I make my way down this new path.

I'm realizing that those lessons aren't as earth-shattering as I thought that they would be.

She poops.
She poops a LOT.
She sleeps a lot--when we're awake, and she is awake when we'd kind of like to be asleep.
She smells good, though. That's amazing.
She likes her mama's touch a bit more than mine, which is ok, because I"m still a bit uncomfortable with the whole "holding a baby" thing.
I'm really shaky on my feet at 3:30 am when it comes time to changing her diaper mid-feeding. (And, that shakiness can lead to the horrible fear that I'm going to drop my beautiful daughter, which, in turn reiterates my discomfort when it comes to holding said baby, which just perpetuates the shakiness at....well, you get the picture.)
A 9 pound baby gets surprisingly heavy after awhile.
It is only after Bibi comments that Grace hasn't pooped or peed on me in a while, that she will indeed, poop, pee, and then VOMIT on me, all within ten minutes of said comment. (We did a lot of laundry that day.)
There was a time, and, we're talking like six weeks ago, that I would have changed clothes if my shirt had gotten dirty before leaving the house. That time is no more. I went the store, my new favorite coffee shop, the library, and back to my house before realizing that I had Grace's spit-up all over the front of my shirt the other day. And I didn't care.

She is absolutely, withiout without a doubt, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.

And, Bibi and I were very pleasantly surprised, after having everyone tell us how much Grace looks like me, when we opened up one of her parents photo album, and saw a picture of Bibi when she was a newborn--and it looked as if she was Grace's identical twin. Good for Grace--I don't think I'd make a pretty girl.

All right, faithful readers...I promise I''ll try to come up with some lessons from fatherhood for you.

Thanks for stopping by....

Tommy

PS: I reread this and was going to edit the insane number of typos that I found, but I realized that that was another lesson.....lack of sleep can cause typoes.

One and one makes three....

Hey everyone....my better half is a MUCH better writer than I am...so I thought I would give you a link to her blog, so that you could read her account of our beautiful daughter Grace's birthstory.

So, go here.

And, well....uh.....that's all.

More later!

Tommy

So...a Democrat, a Republican and Ross Perot walk into a bar....

I just took a little quiz over at okcupid.com, and...apparently, I'm a Social Liberal, an Economic Liberal...and, unbeknownst to me, I've been harboing some latent Socialist tendencies all these years.

Huh.

Who'd a thunk it?

Oh, and Baby Gracie is doing well. She's a joy and she's started becoming more and more aware of the world around her. She found her hand the other day. That was cool...

more pics and more updates to come...

guess what this Friday is?

(c;

Thanks for stopping by!!!

Tommy

Exploding Poo and other joys of Fatherhood....

So, in one of my previous posts, I told you all about how Grace had poo'ed all over Bibi, and that she had peed on me. Great fun right?

Well, yesterday, I was a bit worried about Grace. She had been fussy all day. She looked upset...she looked concerned...she looked...well, not to be too paranoid, but she looked like she was in pain.

Last night, right before I took Leo for his walk, I went in to change Miss Gracie. I was chatting with her, just loving the fact that I get spend time with her, when her face scrunched up...she was making a very frustrated, strained face.

And then...

It happened.

There was poo...well, everywhere. The wall, the towel under her, my arm, my hand, I'm pretty sure that had I been leaning any closer, I'd have gotten a good amount of that crap in my mouth. (Pun, obviously intended. (c; )

And, afterwards?

Miss Grace was just all smiles. Apparently, she HAD been in pain. Gas pain, poo pain, whatever you'd like to call it...she was feeling...uh, pressure. (c;

And, just like that, she wasn't.

And, for those of you who were waiting...here are some more pictures....

Here's Grace and her puppy Leo. He loves her so....




And this one is, obviously of Gracie sleeping.

The Rebirth of Slick...

I'd like to thank everyone who has read and responded to the last post. I appreciate all of your thoughts and ideas, and I respect the validity of all of them, while I may not necessarily agree. And, with that in mind, I'd like to extend my previous post, and go into depth a little bit more...

One of the interesting themes that has come through quite clearly is the idea that my wife and I should be glad, we should be thankful, that our baby, and my wife, are both healthy and that, in the end, that is all that matters. On the flip side, it's possible to see all of the obstacles and challenges that Bibi and I went through in the last week and to get bogged down entirely in those aspects of the birth of our first child. It would appear, unfortunately, that we have to diametrically opposed outcomes, wouldn't it?

I would like to propose a third...

And, in order to begin this third option, I need to clarify just a bit what was going on in our brains last week...we were a flood of varying feelings and thoughts. The idea that I mentioned in the last post, that of "mourning the loss of expectation" comes in here. Let me explain.

Bibi and I were deeply saddened by the fact that we were going to have to have a c-section. It is a mere truth that we were holding on beyond all hope that we might be able to have a natural childbirth experience, free of medical intervention. We spent the better part of Monday night, Tuesday, and some of Wednesday, mourning the loss of this hope. It was an intimately and closely held desire that we both had, and those die painfully, and slowly.

During this time of mourning, it did NOT go unnoticed that a c-section may indeed be the very thing that would save both my child's, and my wife's, life. It was with a very profound sense of appreciation and gratitude that Bibi and I willingly consented to the c-section, as we recognized that this is very likely the reason that we as a people are able to do that kind of a procedure.

Indeed, what I have learned from this experience is that it is possible to be totally and completely overjoyed at the outcome, and heartbreakingly devasted by the means. While these two feelings might SEEM opposed...they are not mutually exclusive. You've got to be able to separate the "stuff", from the "stuff".

Thank you all, again, for reading, and stay tuned as I regale you all with tales of Grace's explosive poo that ended up all over Bibi (WITH PICTURES!!!) and how Grace was kind enough to poo and pee all over me this afternoon as I changed her diaper. (Thankfully, no pictures were found.)

Thanks all, and enjoy....and, as always....

thanks for stopping by.

Tommy

The Rebirth of Cool...

All right, race fans, you've waited long enough. It's been exactly one week since our beautiful daughter Grace Khalsa was born, and I've got a little time, so I thought I'd "grace" you all with a story. So, sit back, relax, and I'll tell you.

Way back, before Bibi and I even got married, we talked extensively about the many thoughts that we both had about pregnancy and about child-rearing. (Huh, communication....who'd a thunk it?) We knew that there were certain things that were really important to Bibi and me. (More for her than me, as I hadn't REALLY spent all that much time considering whether or not an episiotomy was a good thing or not....or, what an episiotomy was, in all honesty.)

So, we knew that we wanted to have a home birth. We wanted to utilize the services of a midwife, and that we wanted to have as natural a childbirth as possible--no medication, and as little medical intervention as possible. As we grew close to our due date, it become a very special thing...I really looked forward to participating in this beautiful metamorphosis and transition in to a new chapter in our lives.

However, as is often the case, God has different plans.

Last Monday, June 4th, Bibi noted that she had seen spots on three separate occasions that day. Due to her slightly higher blood pressure throughout the latter portion of her pregnancy, we were on the look out for pre-eclempsia symptoms, and she was now exhibiting some. (Seeing spots, headaches, and higher blood pressure.) We called our midwife, and she came over around 9. It was at this time that we decided that our midwife could go ahead and attempt to "encourage" labor, as Bibi was 38 weeks the next day. And it was during the "stripping of the membranes" that our midwife noticed something strange....instead of a head, she was feeling what was most likely the babies butt. This, to say the least, was not good.

Suzanne (the midwife) then recommended that we get a sonogram. Up until this point we had not had a sonogram, as it is still unclear what long term side-effects can occur. However, knowing if our baby was breech was important enough, and we agreed.

So, the next morning, Tuesday, June 5th, we went to KC Medical Imaging and had a sonogram performed. It was quite breathtaking to see our little one in there...eyes, nose, and mouth were all obvious, and he/she was sucking his/her thumb. However, he or she was indeed breech. (Upon leaving, Bibi began gushing about how gorgeous our little one was, and how precious the pictures they had given us of the baby were; I looked at her, and whan asked what I was thinking, answered completely honestly: That, in my opinion, the picture looked like proof positive that there really are aliens. It was, in all honesty, frightening. Of course, we thought that was hilarious, because I was kidding....wasn't I?) When we returned home, our midwife came over to suggest certain techniques that could possibly help in getting the baby to turn over. These consisted of playing music for the baby, with speakers down near Bibi's pelvis, having Bibi lay upside down on an ironing board with a bag of frozen peas (in our case spinach) at her breastbone and two burning "moxa sticks" next to her pinky toes. Suzanne, at some point during the day informed us that, if we weren't able to turn the baby, we would most likely have to go to the hospital and have a c-section. This was obviously as far from the outcome we were hoping for, and it was disheartening to say the least. We were then instructed to go to a pool and to have Bibi stand on her head. We did so.

Around 6 o'clock, when we came back from the pool, Bibi started having some contractions, and she had not felt the baby flip over. She decided to have a bath, and try to relax. It was during this bath that Bibi noticed that her mucus plug had come out. This meant that labor was most likely to begin very soon. We waited a while, realized that Bibi's contractions were only getting stronger, and called Suzanne again. She told us that we should get ourselves to the hospital at once so that they could give Bibi an IV to try to stop/slow the contractions to buy us more time.

We packed a bag, piled Leo into the car, and headed for Bibi's folk's house to drop Leo off. We then drove to the hospital. It was a strangely calm drive. We were both, as Bibi's mom Guruparwaz put it, "mourning the loss of expectation." We got to the hospital around 8:30 or 9, and an IV was inserted. We hung around the hospital, monitoring Bibi's contractions, and orienting ourselves to the waiting game we were beginning. Around 11:30 we were sent home, because the nurses said that Bibi's contractions had slowed down significantly. (This was news to us, as they had actually increased in frequency and intensity, but we were hungry and scared...what did we know?) So, we went back to Bibi's parent's house, and had a quick dinner, and then decided to stay there, as the contractions were exacerbated by riding in the car. Thus began one of the longest nights of our life....

The contractions came every 6 minutes from 11:45 pm, and increased to every five minutes the next morning. Realizing that things were progressing, that we had run out of time to get the little one to flip over, we headed back to the hospital, tired, but at peace with what was most likely going to be the outcome.

Checked in by 8 o'clock am Wednesday, June 6, we spent all morning, and all afternoon discussing baby names, calling family members, and accepting what was coming. Our midwife informed us, through a doctor at the hospital, that there was one more option...performing a "version" to get the baby to move. What this entails is this: in an operating room, the doctor would attempt to physically push the baby, from the outside, around in the womb. We were told that we would do this after Bibi had had an epidural, so that if the need arise, we could jump right into an "emergency c-section". Wanting to be sure and exhuast all reasonable avenues, we agreed.

At approximately 5:00pm, the anesthesiologist arrived and gave Bibi the epidural. I was given a set of scrubs so that I could go into the OR with Bibi. We wheeled Bibi down the hall way, and entered the OR. The physicians were all leisurely ambling about getting ready for this procedure. Both Bibi and I were wracked with nerves, excitement and worry. The version began, and it was as horrible to watch as one might suspect....the doctor was literally wrenching Bibi's belly, and the baby. After what seemed like about 10 minutes, the doctor noted that the baby's heartbeat had dropped unacceptably low, and it was time to move on. Instantly the lacksadasiqual atmosphere was no more; doctors and nurses snapped into action and the c-section had begun. Bibi was immediately frightened by the fact that she could still feel everything that was going on, and did not want the operation to begin if she was going to feel the incision. The doctors informed her that it was perfectly normal that she could feel "some things" but she would not feel the incision. This was not a great deal of comfort to either of us.

The c-section began after a curtain was placed in front of Bibi and I. Periodically I would peer over the curtain to see what was happening on the other side. I would not recommend doing so. Ostensibly, a c-section consists of making a "small" incision in the woman's abdomen, and removing the baby. What they don't tell you, and the tv shows don't show you, is the amount of exertion it takes on the doctors part to pull the skin of the abdomen back, so that the other doctor can reach in and rip the baby out, in what can only be described as a terribly violent and utterly unnatural "procedure".

Our baby was "removed", or born, at 5:57 pm, on June 6th, 2007. At that time, we found out that we were indeed the proud parents of a baby girl. She was whisked away from us, to the other side of the room so that they Newborn Nurses could clean her up. (They had been instructed NOT to clean the vernix off, as it is an excellent protectant if massaged into the babies skin.) I was confused as to why it was taking so long to get her back over to us, as we wanted to put the baby to Bibi's breast as soon as possible, so that she might benefit from her mother's milk. After 11 minutes, I was asked if I would like to see my daughter...I of course said yes, and told Bibi I would only be gone for a minute.

I walked over to see my daughter and was just amazed...she was grotesque. (And, of course beautiful, but let's be honest here....newborn infants are NOT cute...they are covered in vernix, and have just gone through one HELL of an experience....vaginal birth or c-section, it doesn't matter. She was gross. Beautiful, to be sure, but gross none the less.)

It was there that I was informed that the nurses had not been able to ween her off of oxygen yet; they had tried at 5 minutes, and had been unsuccessful. It was actually as I was standing there that she was weened finally. They brought our daughter over so that Bibi could see her, and the nurses informed us that she would need to be taken to the newborn nursery and given a bottle of formula, because her blood sugars were low. (50 is the minimum, and she was at 41.) Scared, confused, and wracked with doubts, we agreed. I reluctantly left Bibi to go with my daughter.

In the newborn nursery, our baby was given a bottle of formula--and thirty minutes to increase her blood sugars to at least 50, according to the Nurse Practitioner Tammy. At the end of the 30 minutes, her blood sugars were down to 30. She was going up to be placed in the NICU immediately.

I had to go and tell Bibi. That was one of the hardest things in the world for me to do. To make that walk, actually from the NICU, down the hallway, right to the elevators, down one floor; out the elevator past the "families waiting room", take a right, a left, walk passed the nurses station, and to our room. To do all of that, knowing that I have to tell my wife, my sweet, beautiful wife, who has just gone through hell that our little girl was going to be out of her arms for who knows how long. Yeah, that sucked.

Bibi took the news well and we commenced getting her healed. We went up to the NICU about 9:00 that night, and were able to see her. And, this began a whole new chapter for us at the hospital. The NICU nurses were....well, less than what you would hope for.

One of the things that Bibi has been looking forward to most of all, is breastfeeding our baby. She sees it as an amazingly powerful and intimate link between the mother and child, something that nothing else can replace. Also, it's much healthier for the baby, as it is exactly what the baby needs, when it needs it. So, you imagine how hard it was for Bibi when we found out that our girl was going to be put on formula. (Babies who are bottle fed before being put to breast have an increased likelihood of experiencing difficulty in learning how to breastfeed later on.) This can be compounded if a pacifier is used; it's called Nipple Confusion, and we had specifically told one of the nurses who was in the OR that our baby was NOT to get a pacifier.

So, it was a little difficult when we, finally, were able to go to see our baby girl, and she was lying there, surrounded by tubes, wires, cords, and an IV of glucose, and a pacifier stuck in her little mouth. It may not seem like that big of a deal, but, when you go from seeking a homebirth, with no medical intervention, to an unplanned c-section with a baby in the NICU, it would be nice to have SOME say in the treatment of your child, you know? Bibi politely mentioned that we didn't want her to have a pacifier, and the nurse immediately bristled, as if to say, who the hell are you? (Uh....the child's mother?) Then, as was perfectly within her rights, Bibi asked about getting a chance to breastfeed. The nurse, who was already upset, apparently thought that this was the most unreasonable request imaginable, and responded by saying something along the lines of, "well, if you really want to do that, it will most likely result in having a feeding tube placed in the babies throat." She then proceeded to tell us that having too much stimulation would negatively impact our baby and that we should limit our time up there. (How 'bout letting the new parents have, oh, I don't know, some time with their child?!)

Thursday, Bibi and I divided our time between our room, with our families, and Grace's little area in the NICU, avoiding the nurse from the previous night, and the periodic lectures from other nurses. We began making our every four hours trip to the NICU so that Bibi could nurse Grace, followed by Bibi and I using the breast pump so that we could get as much of Bibi's milk to the nurses to supplement the formula they were using.

Friday Bibi and I were told that Grace was doing much better, and that her numbers were pretty consistantly in the upper 50s, with a couple of tests in the low 60's. We were told that there was a chance she would be released to the main floor sometime that day. Around 4 oclock in the afternoon we were told that all Grace needed was two scores trending up towards 60 and she would be good to go. It didn't matter what time it happened, even if it was 3 in the morning. We were ecstatic. I even glanced at Grace's chart and saw it myself. However, at midnight, her last two scores had been 56 and 54, consecutively. The nurse, who was a new one, told us that she had been told that the nurse practitioner had decided that Grace needed two scores ABOVE 60. Bibi and I were shocked. The new nurse, who was indeed just doing her job, walked away, visibly uncomfortable with how upset we were. Bibi and I just looked at each other, shocked, and unable to move. Finally, I snapped out of it, and said, "I'll be right back." I walked out of Grace's cubby, and turned towards the nurses station. Our nurse, Pam, was talking to the Nurse Practitioner, Tammy. Pam came out, saw me (and the intense look on my face), paused, and then came over. She began to try to speak, but I interrupted her, "It's obvious that I'm very upset. I want you to know that I am in no way upset with you. I am, however, very upset with this situation. I've seen the chart myself, and I know that the chart did not say two scores above 60. The chart said two scores trending toward 60. Now, obviously, 56 and 54 are not trending toward 60, so it would be wise for Grace to stay up here now. However, I'm just a little bit, and I feel legitimately so, concerned that when I come up here tomorrow, I'm going to be told that she needs two scores above 65. Or two scores above 70. What stock can I put into what I'm being told, if the doctor's recommendations are being overruled?"

Tammy, having overheard all of this, came out of her office, and came over to talk to me. She then explained that, there had been new research done, and that 60 was now the new minimum, and that some doctors were still using the old information, but they were going to go by the new information. (Apparently she forgot that she was the one who told me 50 in the first place, back on Wednesday. ) However, Tammy went on, since Grace seemed to be doing well, as long as our nurse Pam didn't mind coming down to our room every 4 hours and testing the blood sugars there, Tammy didn't see why Grace couldn't come down with us then. (And the crowd goes wild...!)

So, Friday night, at midnight, Grace was released to our care, down on the third floor, just so long as Pam would continue to check her blood sugars. It was the sweetest sleepless night of my life. All day Saturday we continued checking her blood sugars, rejoicing in her 68, her 74, her 71. It was wonderful.

And, at 3:30, we were told that Grace would be discharged from the hospital after having just one more "short" test performed. We gladly agreed, and the nurse wheeled Grace into the Newborn Nursery. Three "short" hours later, Grace was returned to us, and we began gathering our belongings. We had one last good laugh before we left; Bibi's dad, mom, and my mom all crouched on the floor, trying to figure out our new carseat, me standing behind the car seat, instructions in hand, trying to get a word in edge-wise, and Bibi laughing hysterically at the expression on Grace's face; Bibi said it was something along the lines of, "what the heck are you people trying to do?!"

We piled our belongings into our cars, and proceeded to make the longest 15 mile-an-hour-drive-in-a-forty-five-mile-an-hour-zone ever. I once asked a friend in college, who had just become a dad, does your driving change over night? Do you automatically get better, more careful, safer?

The answer?

Hell yeah, you do.

And, that's our story...so far.

Thanks for your patience, and thanks for stopping by....

Tommy

Picture number 2 of 1,000,000

Rest assured, the story will come, but for now...

Amazed by Grace....

Hey! Here's a picture of my daughter. (c;

A brief update...

Two things....

1.) I have a job! I left Kirksville last Thursday, and had two interviews lined up that afternoon. I thought they both went well, but I liked one of the schools a great deal more than that other one, for a number of reasons. The principal there said that he was going to call me back either that night or the next morning, but I imagined it would probably be much later...like, this week sometime. However, as Bibi and I were discussing that fact, my cell phone rang, and it was that very principal asking if I would like to take a fifth grade position at his school next year. (I said I would like that very much.)

2.) We had to rewire our phone jacks b/c they were a) old and busted, and b) just old. With my father-in-law's help and guidance we rewired the lines in the bedroom and the kitchen. And, after having him explain what I should do in the office, I rewired and connected the jack there. And, that, my faithful readers, is why I am now able to post this! Whoo hoo!

3.) Bibi and I are expecting our newborn any freakin' day now....

stay tuned for frequent-ish updates.

Tommy

It's Story Time!

So, hey!

As my title would suggest, it's story time gang! So, sit back and relax and let me tell you all a WONDERFUL story!

Once upon a time there was a young man who was living a very good life in a small town. He was married to the most beautiful woman in the world, and was getting ready to become a father for the first time, and he could not have been more excited. He was so happy about his wife being pregnant, and his wife was happy, and everyone was happy.

This young man was also very happy in his chosen profession. He was a teacher. He was working in the same school that he had started working in, and was very happy. Except, well, he was having doubts. He wasn't sure that he was doing as well as he could have been doing. He was reflecting back on this time as a teacher, (almost five years he had been teaching) because he was getting ready to move to a new city.

Everyone told him what a great teacher he was, but he had some secret doubts. He knew that he cared, but caring and a quarter will get you a cup of piss-poor coffee at a truck stop on I-35. He had been sure that he would get at least a few job offers in his new big city, and that the transistion would go very smoothly.

But, it hadn't gone smoothly.

He had gotten a screening interview in the Big Fancy School District and then hadn't heard a thing for 3 months. (And, that felt like an eternity!!)

He was starting to suspect that maybe he had put all of his eggs in one basket, and then grace-lessly dropped that egg-filled basket off a very high buildling.

Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-plop!!!!

And, with these new dark doubts plaguing our young man's mind, he started thinking back on all of the students that he'd had over the years....

and of one student in particular.

Our teacher had started his teaching career with a very special class of students. They were all wonderful and unique creatures, blessings from God, to be sure, but our teacher saw them more like a plague of hissing cats. They were always egging each other on, acting out, pushing, bickering, and in general not acting like our teacher thought his first class would act. And, in this class, there was one young man. This young man had come from an exceptionally trying background, with a lurid family life, a horrifying school experience, and failures and stumbling blocks far too numerous to recount in this short story.

Our teacher knew of this young man's challenges, and he also knew of his pattern of acting out in the classroom. Our teacher wanted to be different for this student. Our teacher wanted to make a difference in this young man's life. Our teacher wanted to be that teacher who would help this student see that things could be different; that he could succeed. Throughout the course of the school year, there were any number of conflicts between student and teacher. The student even told the teacher that he was an asshole. He said that the teacher should get a different job, that he shouldn't be a teacher at all. The teacher refused to give up on, or let up on this student, and the student, as students are wont to do, refused to give up, too. This continued on all year long, teacher pushing the student, student pushing back at the teacher, and so on. The teacher continued to try to make a difference and, probably tried to write something meaningful in the students yearbook at the end of the year, hoping--most likely in vain--that it would have some kinf of a sustaining impact on the young boy.

And, in time, those struggles, those attempts at reaching the young student, got lost in a sea of attempts and struggles for our teacher.

And then, one day, long after that young boy had been removed from the school district, long after he had been committed to the juvenile detention system of that particular state, about the time our young teacher was worrying about whether or not he would get a job in his new home, he received three very significant phone calls.

The first phone call was from a school in his new district asking him if he would like to come in for an interview. The second call came an hour and a half after that interview, from the principal asking him to come back for a second interview.

And the third phone call?

That call came when our teacher was finishing up packing up his house, getting ready to move to his new city.

The caller?

The young student from that first class.

He had been looking through his things, and had happened upon his old fifth grade year book, and he had seen that his teacher had written in it, "I wish you nothing but success in the future, and I know you can achieve it."

He was calling because he had gotten his G.E.D. (early!!) and was applying to go to radiology school in the fall. Oh, and he also wanted to apolgize for all the stuff he had done in the teacher's class.

Our teacher chuckled, dumbstruck, and told his long lost student that it was quite all right, and that he was just very glad to hear from him.

They chatted for a while and said their goodbyes. And, as is often the case, the student would never realize the impact he would have on this one teacher.

And that, my faithful readers, is story time for today.

Thanks for stopping by.

Tommy